How to forward a dead man’s (women excluded) email

Internet is a bustling with activity and it has spawned new avenues for recreation. I have been specially appointed from both Apaya and Devlova (Heaven) coordinate activities and I have been asked to formulate a formula to prevent Apaya MySQL Web Server getting jammed.

As an initial remedy I have instructed them to have new server for Sri-Lanakns but Apaya does not want to vandalize limited resources on Sri-lanka and that is why they need a special formula.

Since I am in regular contact with Sackra’s assistant which I have from the time of registration of Hela Urumaya as a political party (that appointment was to give a resume of all Hela Urumaya voters who gets a call of nature through Devalays before their demise).

Sakcra himself handles the party stalwarts and he does not believe their own well cooked up resumes leave alone any comments that I have made about them in web publications. Unlike Apaya. They have enough memory in all the servers with my good offices I have made an arrangement to provide a server on IMF loan facility to Hell which can be paid back while in hell to Apaya accounts.

You may wonder how I got the appointment. On merit and that is due to my intense interest in Linux and the number of publication in the web by any Sri-Lankan.

They have just typed asoka and linux and lately asokaplus and got hold of my web counting. Then they have looked at the impact it made in Sri-Lanka which was almost zero and connected me wirelessly to ask why this discrepancy.

I promptly said I publish only in English to which they said why don’t you make an attempt to improve English. I said Sir I am doing it right now by writing and that is the reason for me posting in the web.

They were quite happy and impressed with my answers but said your extensions will be based on your daily writings and that is why I have to post at least one a day at wordpress.

When I was at writeclique it was once in three days and at Google once in 2 to 3 days and now once a day like a poor National News Paper Editors.

I am told by the Web Administrator of the Apaya (Hell in English) a new super powered Server to handle the demand from Sri-Lankans was installed this year (immigrants specially from Colombo 7, Hela Urumaya type who sell electricity for an exorbitant price -they have a special sub-system for Hela Urumaya).

Nobody can contact the President and the Head of Apayas since he is 24 hour on call and cannot sleep.

He was elected recently unanimously without a contest and he can go for re-election at lib.

His crime was sleeping while on call duty at President’s Office and giving false promises to the visitors and giving false statements to a judicial inquiry (perjury not punished here).

You may wonder what is the difference between becoming head of Apaya or Devlova.

Sackra has four hours of sleep and he can delegate some of activities to the assistant and the assistant can delegate it to me. It looks as if one becomes a President of this country he can easily take up a position in Apaya since there are no delegated activities now in Apaya and super-computers have taken over mankind (beingskind- a new word coined by me for Apaya use) there.


My duty is easy to forward dead man’s emails either to Apaya or Devlova or safe house in between for scrutiny. By doing that all email holding companies will benefit by releasing their precious space for new comers.

I am currently doing the test run on the formula I have developed on Senior Ministers’ profiles (I am duty bound not to disclose test runs to the person while they are alive) on my computer and it got stuck due to overload and may have to update the RAM and speed.

Unfortunately I am not paid any allowances even though I requested 10% on testing and another 50% on running.

If you have any suggestion please forward it to me without any delay so that I can include them on the revised version. I have decided not to make the formula public since the Central Bank of Ceylon (Now SIRI LANKA) and IMF would get bright ideas to change roles and divest their energies in Apaya Investment Limited (newly formed company by me)

Mind you there is a vacancy for-How to forward a dead woman’s email post- any man or woman can apply by passing me.

Details are at Apaya Investment Limited website if it is in operation without any untoward attack by Sri-Lankan Government.


Mind you I did not tell the Apaya Web Admin that there is cloud computing on the offing thinking that they might reserve space on cloud farms for future use and we might not have anything left for poor souls like me.

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