Category Archives: Diplomacy

Spacesuit and its Occupant

Mind this is an introduction for anybody who is running short of an idea to write about in WordPress blogging site.

This is an idea I hit upon by reading a blog writing of a experienced civil pilot not a fighter pilot.

Have you ever thought of the 50 thinks that the spacesuit occupant in space won’t share with his body soul?

You probably have not but I was one who was very much interested in this in my school days and in early days as medical student.

I cannot remember what I wrote then but this is an attempt to revise some of those physiological constraints not in particular order or in any order of merits.

Suffice is to say I get a sickly feeling when I think of space (occupied especially by alien elements).

Imagine yourself trapped in a escalator without illumination (light) and the computer circuit controlling it up and down movement gone haywire and it is going up and down in an erratic fashion.

That is a the feeling I get moment I put on a spacesuit for travel.

That is one thing you must consider when paying for, an enormous amount for a single trip in space.

Is is worth the experience and the money?

Probably not but having said that I have tremendously high regard for those guys who trained for years end on to go to space. They are a dedicated lot and give them the due respect they deserve if you happen to meet anyone of them.

They were the human guinea pigs on space.

I often wonder how many times they felt sick and vertiginous even in their sleep.

Probably many many times and uncountable and that is the feeling I get if I am invited to wear a spacesuit and come hither for a go.

I will list the feeling inside my head with little imagination and some understanding of my own physiology if not of another being.

1. I hate the space constraint. This is the feeling one gets if one has to stay in a tiny hotel room in Singapore overnight due to some delay, cancellation or transit. I have had that feeling once or twice before traveling by cheap air flights. When you fly on a good aircraft and not on a budget or Mihin (Hemin) Lanka

2. I hate heights. Imagine you are in a hotel overnight on the 21st floor room due to flight cancellation. You are well away from a fire exit and there is a blackout and fire drill. You don’t have a pen torch. If you are one floor above you can think of jumping out and breaking your legs but not on 21st Floor. That is why rooms are cheap as you go above. Please pay a good some and ask for a room down below. It is better even if you go to Colombo taking a pen torch with you with these high rising development projects. Born to this earth with feet firmly grounded and ample space to breath pristine air (not now even in Kandy) as an embodiment, getting into a spacesuit is the luxury I do not want to avail myself not even in my incarnation.

3. Now about the daily routines I enjoy. Sleep to begin with. I think I can manage sleep upside down on space inside a spacesuit since there is nothing else I can do there except dreaming coming home. I can do this since I have learned how to sleep standing on an express bus plying from Kandy to Colombo on a Monday morning. I believe all Sri-Lankans are good at this. Only if you do not have money in your back pocket. There are plenty of pickpockets in this country including politicians who pick our vote without our knowledge. They are called pickvotters or even better pickpotters (stuffing the ballot boxes).
These two are new words, I have coined for the Oxford Dictionary with local elections due now).

4. What about food. I want enjoy the high calorie, high protein dehydrated food fads of space travelers especially they are floating about and not placed on a plate with a well laid out nice table. My worry is not the quality of food but how I to partake them in a more sociable way. Not empty them to my mouth from paper carton after paper carton.

5. Coming to spirits (if they are allowed like a commercial flight) and drinks. When I suck (not drink them) a little, I want them to stay a while in the mouth and oesophagus and stomach and not go flushing down like a vacuum cleaner on full throttle to the colon in one go..

6. After meal I want to brush my teeth as my good dental friends tell me with a tooth brush floating in air and the toothpaste all over the face with me trying to reach as far as it goes to the third molar.

7. That also I can manage but how about a quick spend a penny in the loo with my prostrate pushing hard on the correct track inside but the squirt getting between my spacesuit and the underwear. That is my major worry since I will never master my physiology how ever much I train on earth and mid air.

8. Then the master job of course I have decided one last one here and never in the shuttle till I come home and take some constipating medicare one a week before the departure. I do not want my smelly secrets floating in air and taking pictures of me in flight.

No thank you.

9. Last but not least I fear the algae and the fungi I have been accustomed on earth and living with me with mutual understanding all along my life for years taking advantage of the flight and growing all over me. In nails, wind pipe, mouth and all of my privacies.

10. Last of all I love scratching my skin, just for fun and any other accessible point from my crown to the rump. With these fungi floating around and waiting for a breach, I won’t be able enjoy that luxury.

11. As for the rubbish I collect on flight no problem. We are trained to drop at any advantage point in the town and the Municipalities never clean them. I just open the window and drop it down when we are centering round Sri-Lanka with a note stating “coming from space shuttle in orbit no valuables dropped but destined for Sri-Lankans, war heroes included”.

This is why when President Obama invited me for a flight in space, I refused and gave 0ver 100 volunteers from our parliament elected and wanting to get elected. He of course refused nay parliamentarians after the Health bill was bailed out.

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E-governance and white lies

Please note that this is an update for a post on parafox and it is very easy to find a daily topic to write daily unlike in the West but it is very difficult to find a true story and I have decided to write a few of my fantasies related to my work with Apaya and Heaven. I have not decided whether to join Apaya or Heaven but like a true diplomat I prefer to shuttle in between them not knowing whether it is a fantasy or a real lfe situation.

I am bit confused but following is a true story and factually correct about E-Governance and downloading for a fact.

Uploading is no better.

Comment I wrote for a National Daily not published due to its banal content.

It is very difficult to differentiate a lie from a the word E-governance in Sri-Lanka.

I prefer E-Governance  for a white lie because it is like WiKi Leakes very difficult to differentiate whether an American (for that matter any European diplomat) diplomat is talking through his Mouth or MOUSE or ASS.

I think they are trained not to talk from birth but to lie by all means.

Unlike our diplomats who do not know how to lie like Goerge Washinton in his prime and if they do lie it looks just like plain truth and nobody including Bun Ki Moon belives it a lie or not  a lie.

Whereas our politicians are trained to lie from birth and it is that their birth right.

If one cannot lie he or she is not good enough to be in the parliament or President House. Average Buddhists except Colombo 7 elite do not lie as a habit but only on demand by politicians at election meetings and political rallies.

Our national papers for their own survival lie on a regular basis like our George Bush they do not know how to tell the truth in plain English or Sinhala. We  are now portrayed as the heaven on Earth but if one goes to Batticoloa or North East the plain truth is evident in abundance.

This is just a big joke. i.e. E-Governance in Sri-Lanka is a plain lie but what I state below is truth and nothing but truth.

It takes almost 7 days to download 1.1 GB of Kororoaa of out of 1.5 GB and god only knows how long it takes to finish.

I was down with a miner flu and for three days I managed to download Light House Puppy of 223 MiB through Firefox and in spite of the computer being on overnight for three days. I am trying to download PocketWriter-Salix and it is stuck at 280 MiB currently and Saline was disconnected without completing three times.

Now I am talking about Saline like Predient Reagon our Health minister could not say the difference between a truth and a lie.

Our Health Statistics is the Biggest Lie of all which the WHO is very fond of exaggerating!

It is 3 am in the morning and I got up to empty my bladder.

Checked to see K-torrent is working (do the downloads only after midnight).

NO.

I stopped the normal download to read the English daily but Apache at their site is broken.

I have 250 paused downloads for the month of December (for updating current Linux distributions which I do at the end of each year).

K-torrent is inactive.

Firefox download speed is below 5KB per seconds.

I pay over Rs.7000/- to Telecoms and Rs.10,000/- electricity.

If I save three months of these bills and buy a ticket to Singapore I can download all these in the airport lounge for nothing but in triple not double quick time.

It is a shame that a National Paper not highlighting how Buddhists are downloading porn at Nanasalas.

Even we have 10,00,000 NanaSalas without English we cannot progress in IT industry.

All the alphanumeric characters are in English not Sinhala.

Progress does not come from data or rhetoric.

They come through hard work, dedication and concrete actions!

All my downloads are inactive at 3,30 am and bare bone facts speak for themselves.

Toilet Paper Catching Fire

There is a story circulating in Colombo Diplomatic Circles that a certain UNO Officer investigating or perhaps observing war crimes being enacted in his subjective presence was given a hot meal of Nai Miris (Cobra Chillies) as his taste.

The entree went like this.

He was told it was a Sri-Lankan top class delicacy that war heroes on both sides of the divide partake before their final assault.

Once you partake a little, then do not feel any other pain even due to gross injuries and it is also a mood elevating and quite similar to Onions for Indians.

He was quite take up by the introduction, instead of tasting a little he avail himself of a liberal quantity as it were a Dhana Festival in a temple and had to rush to the toilet.

Whatever, he did in the toilet did not allay his misery and he decided to pull a fag inside the toilet.

Moment he triggered the lighter there was a big bang and accidentally he lit the toilet roll too.

The flash of fire, smoke and the big bang alerted the security thinking that there was a bomb.

Surprisingly the young diplomat emerged without any significant injury or burns and in his flight and fright the burning sensation due to Nai Miris disappeared, instantaneously.

But he started running towards the back entrance and the fire exit.

The security officer thought he was a terrorist and followed suit.

He shouted stop.

I am UNO and BunKi Moon Man he said in his flight.

Eventually the security caught up with him.

When inquired he said there is a bomb in the toilet.

By that time one of the environmentalist emerged from the crowd and said his capsule worked wonders!

Everybody was puzzled.

Then he said he put a capsule of biogas making strain into the toilet before the meeting to test whether UNO officers consuming enormous natural resources of the friendly countries could produce biogas during a meeting.

And their shit or the scat can produce enough was his test finding with one capsule.

Now he is trying to patent his discovery to solve the energy crisis of today.