Tag Archives: Commonn Sense

Enjoindre, the Parade

The story related before is not complete without an enjoindre.

I will be brief.

In addition to wearing shoes marching according to military discipline was another thing we hated.

The way we could avoid being selected was to come to school without shoes..

We leave home with shoes on to comply with home discipline but leave them in a safe place (hide).

Nobody would will steal the shoes with their “toejam smell”.

That is the word we use for smelly shoes.

In the parade of course we have many ways to disrupt the proceedings including putting the wrong foot in front or both foot and hand on the same side in front when we march (very difficult in real life but we could do it perfectly).

So one day the ones without shoes were asked to tie a handkerchief around one leg (for right) and march in a separate platoon.

This was fun for us.

Instead of right we say Lensu (handkerchiefed leg) Kakula and for left Nikam (leg without the handkerchief) Kakula and march.

We would RHYME Lensu Kakula and Nikam Kakula INSTEAD of RIGHT and LEFT.

That was fun.

Ultimately they had to made me the sergeant of the platoon to get things working.

We got uniforms shoes and the accessory and we played the game by rules of engagement and if I can remember right we were island 2nd in the overall championship.

We scored heavily on sports (me specially under 12 champion and under 14 champion runner) and inspections if not the march past.

I gave up cadet after one go since I hated the food and the cold weather at Diyathalawa and I left this regimented school too later.

That was my service to the nation as a cadet.

Sir-Lankan English

This is what I heard through a S.M.S. (Subbe Manasgatha Settum) in the Buddhist tradition of Venerable Ananda..

 

I only relate without any distortion or without Atuwa Tika for the enlightenment of the Subbe Satta (Bavanthu Suki Thatha-Except ex-Army Generals) of Sr-Lanka.

 

It is common practice now for some to go abroad frequently at the drop of a hat like an annual pilgrimage to Mecca and unlike us who cannot afford it now remain restrained due to common curtsies and upbringing (When I first went to England one way ticket was only three thousand nine hundred odd Rupees).

 

But they carry all the trademarks of Sir-Lanka when on travel abroad and sometime demand the other passengers to change the booked ticket on wish and fancies of political stalwarts.

 

But this story is not about the ones who went to USA but one who was left behind.

 

He was left behind deliberately due to request from our one and only Mr. Bun Ki Moon (Munn Bath Kawada Bun is his nick name).

 

When retinue arrived home he was waiting enraged for an audience with the tour leader.

 

The tour leader was a veteran politician and who felt the pulse of his close associate if not the pulse of the nation knew something was amiss.

 

He approached the role master and asked Malli Kohomada Dan (How are you my comrade)?

 

He did not give a reply and instead put a big Kheels Meat ball in his mouth and pretended that his mouth was full and could not speak (By the way, this is the tactic our foreign Minister applies when he is abroad and is asked a difficult question).

 

Tour leader in turn put a finger in one of the big meat balls and crushed it with a fine twist and put the tip of the finger in his mouth and sucked a bit and said Mal Wedi Wage Sarayi ne Malli (Hot and Spicy like fire works).

 

Then went onto say this foreign fellows do not know how to prepare spicy foods and they only add salt and pepper in their food and nothing else.

 

In the same breath and tone continued in his utterance and said that he received an invitation for a party with foreign delegates from EU.

 

Malli Oyata Yanne Barida Ekata / Brother can you attend it on my behalf?

 

So he gave the re-delegated invitation protocol to this national hero with antics.

 

The day came this guy went there half an hour before the schedule and when the French chef was arranging the tables and giving the final touches.

 

The chef identified the our guy and asked him Are you a vegetarian?

 

The guy had a grin in his face and said, I am a Mustarian, you know.

 

The French chef was poor in his English and thought Mustarian is an English word but could be moucheron (a type of fly that swarm near water or mouton (sheepskin).

 

He went to the kitchen ordered his colleague to take a sheepskin ans pickle it and turned round to see a sheepskin swamped by house flies in the bin.

 

He wanted to be sure and impressive and told his friend to pickle it with Sri-Lankan house flies in the dish.

 

His colleague of course marinated it and made the first Sri-Lankan lightly made Mouton-Moucheron with French wine and served our distinguished guest.

 

This fellow did not realize that there were flies in his meal since he was very high with the French wine.

 

He had Chinese food for his lunch with Ajina Moto and the combination French Wine, house flies and sheep skin (in any case he is a wolf under the sheep skin anyway) caused a little aberration in his thinking capacity and asking us to not to eat American flour.

 

Little he remember the last time they banned bread the left was swept away.

 

I hope that there could be a second innings or a repetition of the scenario in this god forsaken country.

Evam Mesuthum!