Tag Archives: Judgment

How to Freeze a American Credit Card

It is very difficult to be a very SMART credit card user.

About 12 years ago when I returned from sojourn abroad and decided not to go back in spite of the many risks involved (including losing my life on public transport or in a public place like Central Bank of Ceylon-now it is no more public, it is almost private where few cronies make all the decisions, or while watching a cricket match) in Ceylon. 

I had six credit cards and a small saving abroad.

Unfortunately those cards were international and one can use it in this country in spite of the war.

I was without a job and was not hunting for a job wanting to take a welcome respite since the sojourn abroad was lot of work covering for three local doctors who did not want to work where I worked but was a beautiful, place now almost wretched by the recent earth quake.

I was enjoying the welcome respite but I could not resit the indulgence with the credit cards.

One day when I looked at the credit balance abroad and the amount of money I owed and the interest accumulated, and it dawned on me I may not survive even a year.

That night I took all the cards and cut them in half and went to sleep.

I have made a few smart decisions in my life and very many structurally poor decisions (including returning to my mother Lanka and watching absolute corruption at all level including schools, health sector (both public and private) and electioneering.

But this was one of those SMART decisions.

I could foresee the credit market collapse (but not so soon though) even though I was not a financier.

The decision was to live within my means and not bloated like the mega politicians on credit loans from abroad.

I have some information for you how to FREEZE your Credit Card that you got the other day, thanks to the Lifehacker International for sharing their wealth of financial advice with me.

They are as follows

1. Take the card in your hand and oil it with some Sri-Lankan butter and wrap it with a tin foil. It may be useful to swipe a strong magnet over it to demagnetize the inner foil.

2. Buy 12 plastic containers that fit in inside the other and gradually become smaller that would have the capacity to hold a small piece of fish cake sold at Rs.100/= in a super market food stall-For example Majestic City.

3. Now put the credit card nicely foil covered in the inner most container and place other containers on top of it. By doing this you are going to save on the electricity, bill .
The innermost will have the coolest air trapped which cannot escape and the outermost will have the warmest air.

4. Now switch on the freezer and put the lowest cooling rate and place the credit card containing cartooned cartoon deep inside the freezer compartment and put all the reused or rotten food you eat on top with few onions and garlic to sanitize the rotten food.

5. Now you have to pay your electricity bill with cash and not by credit card.

This way you can Freeze your card till you become old enough to say good bye to this world.

Do not forget to put a note inside stating that “I do not owe the bank any money”.

This will stay put and a STATUS SYMBOL for your name since you may the only one under the hot Sun in Sri-Lanka who does not owe anything when you died.

All the rest are pawned for another 60 to 100 years by our caretaker politicians.

Judgment Day

Policeman was brought to the stand (box).

His offense is Contempt of Court.

Court stand to order and the proceeding begins.

Do you wish go to prison for 3 months with rigorous imprisonment from which you will never be allowed to come back alive by very people you have sent in there or do you wish to work under me for three months.

Well then, you were very keen on my well-being and good keeping order, you will from now onwards be in charge of my private water closet and all the other water closets of the court room.

They are very badly maintained and you should bring me a report in 3 months time to make improvements.

Mind you in the mean time you should investigate into the lost gold crown of this veritable guy.

You are relieved of all other official engagements and I will write to your superior officer in due course.

Then the complainant was called in,

It does not look like that you have made a prima face case against your defendant but your excreta has got an officer in uniform into trouble, have you got anything to say?

Sir, I need my gold crown found.

Well I have already given instruction to the officer in that regard.

I can send you to prison for 6 months.
3 months for wasting the Court’s time.
3 months for false allegations.

Or would you like to work with this officer looking after the toilets. We will pay you a reasonable sum bit better than in prison.

Then the defendant was called in.

He was pleased with the above two judgments and thought that he will get scot-free.

You have been a public and court nuisance and besides, you have pleaded guilty and in the process put two others in trouble.

Anything to say?

He did utter anything fearing a reprimand.

I am going to send you to clean the Chief Minister’s toilet for one year.

And after one year report back with good conduct report.

I suppose with these three verdicts even the King of Kakille will be pleased.

Wait for future hearings.