Category Archives: Future

Dream-09 and its interpretation from Heaven

Dream-09 and its interpretation from Heaven

I had two bad nights in which I kept up all night doing some bizarre routines of editing a long text file into print form, downloading, burning iso images and testing them, blogging and making PowerPoint type of presentation with Google’s free TripWoW. 

I had a good night sleep yesterday and woke with a nice dream.

I thought Maha Brahma would be happy since the dream was related to heaven itself.

I was fed up with living on this planet with so much mosquitoes and very warm weather and sleeping only a brief period at night (reason for my keeping up at night is to thrash mosquitoes and send them to heaven instantaneously with my blessings).

They are crushed with rapid alternative and reciprocal movements of my hands closing together in symphony with mosquito music beating down by ears and the mosquitoes are not spared a moment of thought (thought block) of their own (when they die) and when they wake up, really reborn, they are there in heaven with Maha, fanning the senior Devas with hand held fans (instead of beating drums like on earth).

The Dream

I decided to vacate my post on earth and made an early entry to heaven,with the message in a long electronic PHP form.

1 made sure, I entered every cage, like when you fill the USA Visa forms, similar to our elderly politicians who wish to be born in America instead of heaven.

They call America the heaven on earth and only the most corrupt politicians that curry favour America, including Indians organizing IPL Cricket are allowed (Not Qaddafi Type) Visa to America and reborn again, there.

In my case I made sure I did not leave any gaps fearing anybody who enter the data into the computer might add unnecessary details that might prevent my qualification for entry to heaven.

Then I saw Maha himself going through the form personally because it was recognized as my personal writing by Maha.

However, he was not happy for not leaving any room inside and between cages where he can make some correction entries, if he so desires and put his stamp of approval.

 This was very unusual for me unlike e-forms in the web where they make it compulsory for almost all the entries to be filled so that search engines can put you in  some form of commercial category to market web goods and services at lib.

I was asking and making a big fuss why do you make it so difficult like pension claims and Maha put his hand on my shoulder and said, you are trying to be very clever aren’t you?

With the press of his hand I felt very heavy shock and woke up.

Sadly I was not in heaven but on my bed.

But I had a very pleasant sense of some ease and happiness that even in my dream I was speaking to the all almighty the Maha and not to a political big wig or a Sri-Lankan cricket selector who is a decider cum political leader who invites a yesteryear cricketer out of his skeleton cupboard to represent at Kingston Oval having looked at his previous record book on political affiliations.

Of course one gets a ticket to London and return on Cricket Board expenses.

Maha was bit puzzled.

He thought I really wanted to join him in a hurry and deprive him some good dreams from earth.

Equally he was concerned I was pulling a fast one to get some facilitator for rear entry like our old politicians and national thinkers who are almost demented but want to secure a National List MP Post.

Did you really dream this?

Of course, I replied.

Do you know how the leave is granted in heaven?

Not a slightest bit of idea, Sir.

Then he calmed down a lot and said, this was a good dream and it is futuristic and does not apply to you.

I was relieved.

Why were you concerned about leaving gaps in the e-form.

It is like this.

In heaven we grant leave to all applicants irrespective of their need.

But one has to leave a little space as a grace, offering me some administrative work space which is mandatory.

You have to mention the date of commencement only and not the date of return.

In our case what is important is the date of return.

Not the date of commencement, Sir.

We tend to fall sick for no reason, if the leave is not granted and if the date of return is not entered, then there is  a bigger problem.

It is not like that in heaven since we leave the date of return cage empty, I can just put a date at random when things demand and automatically the server sends an email alert with nice music to wake up the angels on leave on the right day.

By doing this I never have the problem of everybody applying for leave at the same time.

Or I see.

Do they sleep on holidays and do you go to other heavens for vacation?

I suppose they do so, but they get easily get bored when on leave and want to come back and activate their inborn desires and pastimes like listening to music, bit of gossiping about earth and it’s politics and interpreting dreams like what I am doing, now.

Did your boss real Maha leave an empty space.

No.

My goodness.

That is why I am stuck here.

I do not have a space to make an entry and call him back even if I wanted to.

So this new regulation is one of your own creations to call back whenever you need somebody.

Yes, that was why I was bit worried and thought you are trying a fast one to get to grips with administration here even before coming here.

It is like our U.G.C Chairman putting a backdated regulation for his own survival.

Can I put an entry without empty spaces.

I will let you do that since now you know my devises but do not tell other gods and angles.

OK,OK.

Dream Interpretation.

The interpretation is very simple because it relates mostly to Sri-Lanka.

In future when the future presidents want some things for himself he calls the guy /girls to the president house and give them a sumptuous meal.

Then he gets you to sign some blank papers undated and make you to leave gaps in the entry form.

For example you have a Tourist Hotel which is very popular at the beach side.

He comes there for a holiday and become interested in the property.

He invites you to his house for a drink and get all the papers ready for a 10 year rolling lease period.

So that is the end of the property, I guess.

Yes, especially if the guy or girl rub shoulders at a re-election or of the ruling party.

The problem is he will do this to the entire registered population  with in one year of election.

Only one census is enough and he will own the entire length and breath of the country.

How big is the country then?

The sea has advanced almost to Kandy and all the population is now in the hills and population is 100 times now.

If they do not sign what happens?.

They are loaded and sent as refugees to India by boat and India has 100,000 times more people than now and their sea has advanced almost to foothills of Himalaya.

There is no room for someone to lie down and all are standing upright and one out of thousand get a chance to lie down once a year for a holiday break for 10 to 15 minutes.

The humans have mutated a lot and have very strong legs and very long tapering hands to reach even trees (or for begging) and hang on for few minutes a day to give the legs a break and that also has to be done in turns and there is a token that handshake like a tablet (Like in ethernet and railway) that pass around from hand to hand and one can keep it only for few minutes lest you get a teaser shock with a laser satellite on orbit. 

One takes the table in one hand and reach a branch of a tree and let go the tablet before the tracer shock is given.

What about the toilets.

There is no problem, there is an automatic suction tube that sucks urine and scat separately even when one does not have the urge to go and they are used for new form of energy and water is recycled for reuse.

This is similar to the space technology developed in the shuttle.

 What about the air one breaths.

One has to open an insurance policy, the moment one is born for air safety (security)and it is controlled by the Government in power and the President himself is in charge.

Process is similar to water and electricity bills but more expensive and the cleaning plants  for air are connected to the same tube that suck out all excreta but with a different and safe viaduct for (breathing) air.

Free air is polluted and one cannot breath it.

 I do not think you should worry about these little things you will be gone many moons before this happens. 

Where to?

I am not suppose to tell you when you are still a human.

OK; 

See you soon.

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Cup a Tea and University Education

Pol Sambol, Kiri Bath and and cup of tea were standard diet of a student out side the university residence.

Within the university residences we were served, cheese, butter, Pariipu, beef, fish and Cadju (for the pure vegetarian students from Jaffna) on a regular basis.

No wonder most of the non-resident student would come for Gajai and Wala on weekends when many of us go home to tell our parents that the food in the campus was horrible (big lie) to supplement our liberal pocket money which were spent on cigarettes, alcohol and once a year gambling during Perahara Carnival.

One should not take that to mean we did not go to cinema.
I used to hit the first day first show since if somebody tells me the plot I never used to enjoy the film and fortunately most of my friends used to find a boarding place near a theater and would be in the queue well before me and jumping the queue the was not an issue.

Unfortunately some of our professors also used to hit the show on the first day.

But our modus operandum was changed and skipped the first two days and go to the 9.30 show and that also was only to the gallery for 60 cents and the money saved was well spent on beer and if the show was bad we would leave after a round of beer sometime well before the interval.

Suffice is to say the back row was reserved for us by default for English shows and when we start  to move in for a Sinhala film “market somes’ (city thugs) would move forward leaving the back row empty.

We used to command respect from even these guys those days and that was the respect for an undergraduate of yesteryear.

To recap good quality Pilsner Beer (we could not come to halls of residence drunk, though–now even booing, smiling and even cracking a joke of political nature is prohibited) was Rs.1.80 and two of us could enjoy a round meal or mixed grill for Rs.10/= which included a liberal tip for the waiter.

I would go home have a little nap and have a run round the lake with my dog till all the smell of alcohol is dissipated to fresh air around Kandy City and I never wondered what my friend would do-may be to the gym).

This is the way we kept our friendship and never got involved with private life of others .

We were fiercely independent.

I promised our team which I captained that I would throw a party (lunch) if our team wins the inter-university championship and that was the only encouragement that was needed to lift the cup, beating Colombo on a Penalty shoot out.

I never liked the way Colombo guys reacted to the defeat and they turned down my offer for a round of refreshments on my account (not University).

I still wonder what happens to people when they migrate to Colombo from far away villages and many of them become monsters (or is it ministers) in no time including politicians.

The cost for the lunch was Rs.110/= and that was raised by me on one day of gambling at the carnival.

Thank god we did not have Casino then but Tombola only in Kandy Lake Club and I never told the guys how I got the money but I made sure I got some extra money from my mother too, in case guys would double my expenses on beer.

Now my mother is no more it is more than enough time I kept all these secrets from her which she would only know from heaven.

I believe she still won’t believe that her small brat was capable of such feats.

Extra Rs. 10/= was the tip for the waiter with left over beer.

What was obvious none of us had the gene for alcoholism unlike our politicians, even when the prize of alcohol was very cheap.

We were soon graduated to VSOA (Very Special Old Arrack) and the price was Rs.7.50 at Union Place Grill (with full birds-this was the time cats and dogs meat were substituted for chicken) in Colombo.

Soon afterward, I was baptized with 6 rounds of beer in a Pub in London and that was the last time I had a drink with that crowd and told to myself, I would never have in excess of a glass of beer and that is also with good company and never with a crowd of drunkards.

But I could not resist myself half a chicken for lunch and another half a chicken at night (free from NHS on days I was on night duty) and liberal amount of fresh milk instead of beer (half that from the NHS).

Now to the present moment and cup of tea in Sri-Lanka.

It was only today I went out to buy some bananas and the Muslim guy who sells me good banana and runs a tea shop round the corner got little chatty now the Vesak fever is over.

I asked him how many cups he makes from a Kg and told him unless his raises the price of cup of tea he has to close the shop for good.

He was not convinced.

I told him tea has gone up in price even before the election by 100%.

I told him if I put two good blend tea bags in a cup (without water or sugar) it costs Rs. 90/= and the cheapest brand costs Rs. 75/=.

(Needs little explanation here to see how simple arithmetic is used. Two tea bags will cost only Rs.7 to 10 but when it is made  in to a cup of tea it is called value added and it is rounded up by ten times-in other word  value added means a profit is 10 times.

It used to be Rs.25/= if one bag is dipped (dipping a tea bag into hot water costs, 10 times) 10 years ago but 50 if two bags were dipped. Now the price of tea has gone up by 100% and if one ask a cup with two bags it costs Rs.100/= or more.
Two years ago in a reasonable hotel in Kandy (not 5 star-one needs a decent swimming pool for that classification) the price of tea pot for two was Rs.175/= (before the election). Gods only know how much it costs now.

But I can assure you that take away prices have doubled. in this city .
I give a break for my family members (all adults) and stay at home with the dog (cannot afford to hire a watcher and thieves have increased in numbers even in our neighborhood and practically every house has been broken into either day/night.

I do go for take away  regularly and spend an eat out once in a way when friends from abroad visit me  since thing have improved security wise.

The cost for a meal for my dog (fish for the dog) and me which was Rs.450/= will cost now over Rs.1000/=. That was my experience last time round.  Strangely enough in Majestic City in Colombo  a tiny peace of fish is Rs.250= (10 times value added) and a buffee that costs over Rs650/= per head was so horrible (another place in the Colombo City) none of us finished the meal and went to an American take away and  had ice creams of all sorts to satisfy our hunger and drown the anger with delight.

There is something horribly wrong in our hospitality trade.
There is no exaggeration here.
This is miracles happening in broad day light.

I have to spend Rs.100/= for cup of milk tea (if somebody else makes the cup of tea for me) and from 6 cups (in 10 years) I have come down to 2 or three a day and very soon I will stop drinking Sri-Lankan tea.

I went on to say for the last one year I do not drink tea in my office, and he was more than convinced.

He still sells his plain tea for Rs.10/= and he has to have 100 to make Rs1000/= turn over.

I do not think he gets 30 even though he works 7 am to 7 pm (12 hours).
In my case I have to make my own cup of tea and stay away from drinking tea while on work.

I told him to make as much tea as possible from his bulk tea strainer for him to stay in business and display the price one (1) Kg tea in a prominent place in Sinhala and let the customer calculates the number of tea one can make from a kilo of tea.

They are very poor in arithmetic’s and would blame the Gods or Tamil State Worker for the price but never the present government to which they are immunized and anesthetized.

Coming back to University, the teachers and students should do their teaching and studies without a cup of tea.

We must teach students that tea is addictive and it is good for only foreigners.

For teachers who are asking a pay hike should stop drinking tea and coffee and should drink the miracle water the government promised them before and during elections.

If they go for an audience with our president I am sure they will be provided with a different type of miracle drink that would make them to think that the miracle will come in two years after the predicted end of the world and with new world order taking shape where intellectuals are persecuted for telling the truth like what happened to Hippocrates.

History repeat itself!

That is a normal phenomenon.

Human Destiny

If man needs to survive in this planet with dwindling resources and utmost pollution he has to take major steps.

The WHO culpable for its inability to forecast and foretell the emerging trends. I is is also culpable in not having a sustainable strategy.It seems it is dictated by the rich nations funding it and the cronies employed to effect the rich nations desired plan of inactivity.

They haven’t got an estimate of what is the sustainable population in which the planet can produce food (with a buffer stock.for major catastrophe).

They let the market forces decide the events.

With inflation, the price of food is going up and that is no concern for them.

They haven’t got a plan for food security.

Above all they haven’t a slightest of idea of how the global warming would threaten food security.

Their performance is akin to UNO which is impotent in formulating any viable preposition to this planet except for dividing land, countries and nations to a level desirable for the rich nations to exploit economically.

Their pseudo-economic aid make these poor countries more vulnerable and this is happening in Asia and Africa.

They have no strategy to make Africa a food basket of the world.

Asia cannot sustain food security due to population explosion in India and China which are following a death trap of new open economy.

For the first time India was not able to produce onion which is not an essential commodity.

But what about the staple diet. It is no different. Up until now soya had been filling the gap. While supplementing the staple diet it was a buffer for the poor nations.

Now with bio-fuel taking precedence this commodity is becoming the rich nations darling exploits.

Wind up with water security.

It is common knowledge that this planet is abundant with water and even can submerge some low lying nations with glacial melting.

But we do not have ample drinking water.

The man continue to pollute the rivers and their origins and basins with industries that should be banned for the benefit of mankind.

China, India and Ceylon are good examples.

In Ceylon all our rivers are neglected and allowed to contaminate with dangerous agro-chemicals from up country to low country of the North and North East. The rain forest is gradually destroyed and and disappearing fast and some rivers are actually now drying up in dry season.

The government priority was the war and making the economy running somehow but not having a sustainable plan to protect the forest and the rivers that are the live wire of our wellbeing.

In fact we do not have water security.

In the mean time some politicians are getting ready to sell the last resource we have. That is water for money to foreign capital. That plan is still in the drawing board and with two third majority even that is sold to a company or companies for generating money. I am not surprised judging by the level of intellectual capacity in the parliament. It.is possible in the distant future for the water to be be sold to foreign capital, however much they deny that there are no plans to privatize water industry.

That is a big lie!

House Sparrows, a vanishing species?

I had been looking for an answer for why our house sparrows have become a vanishing species?

I have not found any luck.

Our ornithologists and bird watchers have not done enough.

I put the question to myself and these are the emerging facts.

1. This coincided with the disappearance of the migrant bird species which I counted over 30 in 1984.

2. Last 5 years I have not seen more than five species coming to our neighbourhood.

3. The last species who lost the habitat due to development was a type of robin who makes nests in the paddy fields. I call them the paddy birds and dearly as the last of the singing Bohemians. Once they lost the paddy field they started nesting on grass and when the remaining little waste land (now there is a three story building there) was encroached upon they disappeared. Till then I used to see at least 4 to 6 of the young ones yearly.

4. The house sparrows are more close to human habitat but they disappeared some 20 years ago.

Why?

That was my question.

I have seen one or two sparrows in Kandy City Center occasionally but none in the suburbs.

1. Unusual predator

2. Unusual predator of the eggs

3. Unusual destructor of their nests

4. Poison in our food and grains

I come to the last conclusion.

The amount of poison we eat every day in our food is sufficient to kill all the house sparrows over the last 30 years.

By way of aggro-economics we are killing our birds.
The story is true for pigeons too.

Pelican Story

He was an ex-income tax officer who was seen as good choice for help for Mahanabrahma’s Assistant not only as a Flying Officer but also as a delivery man. Pelicans are known to deliver babies to mums at least when the second one arrives unexpectedly and the first one born asks the silly question from where the hell the second one came.

The pelican come into operational requirement of mothers often in the West but not so much here in Sri-Lanka.

In this context as a delivery man he does not have to deliver babies but all what he has to do is to drop baskets full of documents to sea often containing false declarations made by expectant candidates for their next round of birth and to get favours from Mahabrahma’s Assistant.

 

When he thinks something is cooked up especially coming from Sri-Lanka, the assistant delvers them to the pelican to be dropped to sea so that the ink and all the forgeries are wiped out by the ocean currents ( the ocean can take any rubbish come what it may).

 

On his return pelican has to pick few of them back to heaven and the assistant checks to see if any merits are left tangled with the soggy paper and if not delivers them straight to Appaya (AI) International with a tag number for prompt action.

At AI the soggy paper is irradiated with UV light and then a special black ink is sprayed and that is when all the Papa Karmas are exposed for my equation to take cognizant and automatic reprisal by Apaya authorities.

 

Unlike in the heaven my equation has to be modified when new crimes like that are committed by American investors and speculators are discovered.

Very severe scrutiny is done unlike the Federal Regulators of USA.

The pelican is the go between the Apaya and the Heaven.

In some cases when the documents are landed on high ground or floating ice there is a chance some might escape the sea currents and get a respite but if they are discovered on a subsequent birth it is not the pelican who is punished but the holder of the certificate.

Pelican has no jurisdiction in matters of merits and demerits but only a go between and a mechanism of delaying merits or demerits so that backlog is prevented at the  entry point be that it may be Apaya or Heaven.

 

Pelican navigation skill are considered to be complimentary to the operational mechanics.

 

How he became a trainer Flying Officers was purely an accident by meeting our crab and the tortoise at the lake side.

 

He was offered foreign currency initially by the Air Marshal but when he decided to pay that in Sri-Lankann equivalent of Rupees he really got annoyed since neither Apaya nor Heaven recognize Sri-Lankan Rupees.

 

That is why he deserted the Flying Operations in mid air.

 

I have suggested to remedy this situation soon with a plastic card that automatically converts itself of the credit balance to the currency type moment the airspace of the country is entered but there are few navigational glitches / hitches when the pelican decides to stay in border zones like Palk Straight and the likes.

 

It is currently worn around the pelican neck and it has dual responsibility of location guide and a currency convertor. Once it is tested to Apaya satisfaction it will be used by our pelican and he may decide to return to his substantive post on Earth but that is all at his discretion.

Growing Grass Under My Feet

Growing Grass Under My Feet

It is high time that we calculate the CO2 foot imprint of every living human being on this planet before it is too late.

It is one of the most important mathematical exercise that we can undertake now.

It may be easy to do that on an animal say a cow but it may be an extremely difficult proposition for even a forest dweller of today.

Since he carries his cell phone and at least a box of matches or a lighter to the deep jungle, his carbon footprint cannot be even remotely compared to a pre-historic man. Where ever he set foot even the deep-sea shore he leaves behind lot of CO2 footprints.

What we can do is to calculate it for an average American and then compare with a Chinese, Indian and hypothetical man who lives for 60 years.

On the alternative we can calculate for a bull or cow and extrapolate that to a sedentary American man.

American Man eats 3 to 4 cows by the time he is 45 and probably 5 by the time he says good-bye having consumed every possible advantage and resources available on this planet earth.

Then we calculate for a hypothetical bionic man who needs energy for all his activities including his air travel from say New York to New Delhi and all over the globe in one year to schedule a typical American company owner.

Then we have to figure out how many Americans live hand to mouth existence with minimum of a car ownership.

The equations will go like this

1.  5 bulls X USA (poor American)=USA (poor)

2.  USA X USA (Wealthy American) roughly equivalent to 25 bulls

3.  Total Bull consumption  = A x USA X USA (Wealthy) + B x USA (poor)

A= Total Rich Americans 

B= Total Poor Americans

4. Now 3  has to be divided by (American census-minus rich Americans)

5. Now 3 has to be divided by  (American census-minus poor Americans)

4 and 5 gives the ratio of consumption in nearest approximation to current American Standards

The results 4 and 5 should be multiplied to get a total figure

This figure should be now divided by the total current human population

My estimate even without going into nitty-gritty of the equation is like this.

  1. An average American (poor) will have a figure of 1000

  2. A rich American will be 1000 x 1000

  3. Average Chinese is 100

  4. Rich Chines will 100 x 100

  5. An average Indian will be 10

  6. Rich Indian 1000 x 10000 (more than that of a rich to American

The total CO2 foot print of China comes first.

America comes second. 

And India comes 3rd even though the population come only second to China since after many years of open policies some Indian still live and breath air and do not produce much CO2 since their meals are going down including onions.

This is what India call it 21st century progress and send rocket to the space and moon and still find a way to fail in Cricket World Cup including completing of venues.

While China is barely able to feed its masses India has failed to make a square meal for the poor whereas a poor American eats 100 times equivalent to a poor Indian.

Mind you a rich Indian with a Maharaja Image produces much CO2 footprint than an American. This equation has nothing to do with the bank balance or capital of an individual except it’s somewhat close relationship with affluence.

There are some rich people who do an enormous amount of work to decrease our impact on the planet and I appreciate their efforts. This is an indirect complement to them.

I  want an American Scientist to disprove my equation and discovery and publish a relevant article in the prestigious magazine, American Scientist.

While all this happening I grow grass under my feet to cushion the CO2 foot prints of mine with my urine added to make it’s growth luxurious unlike our banana growers.

Question of Testicular Transplant!

The organ transplant is now big money and in vogue and I am perturbed that nobody talks about testicular transplant.

We have so many in this country without good testicular function with ball games vogue in male fraternity, I am surprised why politicians are not talking about testicles.

Is it a banned subject among politicians?

Or is it if they talk about it and if real nuts and bolts and secrets about the testicular functions come out in the public domain and is there a fear among politicians revealing their actual self hidden behind political power?

I do not know.

I am not a politician.

But in our fraternity we are quite adept and amused by this organ so much so that if we want to be cock sure that somebody is stone dead we make sure that we squeeze them to our heart content and confirm our judgmental capacity of death and heaven afterward.

There is only organ in the body which has two arteries (you have to guess) but testicle has only one and would like to be in cold compartment in freezing condition until it is call for duty unlike the ovary which is in warm compartment and function only according to lunar cycles.

Its anatomy is simple but it’s associated ductal and tubular systems are so complex that even the heart surgeons who are paid lot of money have not figured out how to preserve them in the first place let alone transplant them in a live subjects.

If you are young and a budding doc and want to win the Nobel Prize and want to make lot of money, it is high time you invest sometime and figure out a way of transplanting testicles not one but several to some avirile and aged politicians so that they can get back to active life instead of siting in the Senate House lumbering or waiting for the coronary bypass or eventual heavenward migration with merit acquired in this life.

For me and my generation we were happy ligating the ductal systems so that they are no longer able to procreate that we were more concerned about population explosion rather than procreation. We were willing to remove them at any moment especially if they happened to be of political organs and put some artifact inside so that they can feel better and if they really like squeeze them for pleasure without any pain.

But things are changing people want to live long into next century even if the health is failing by all known parameters. The only limitation is availability of organs or parts of organs which are becoming very expensive now that the war is inactive and casualties are down to minimal levels.

Are we going to sit and wait or invent the wheel or the testicular cycles?

That is my pertinent testicular question.

Without any gesticulations young blood and budding doctors should find a way to transplant real testicles not dud ones like our times. It is going to be real money spinner at a time of stock market downturn. I hear lot of surgeons are thinking of committing suicide in USA.

They should not.

They should invest their time on testicular transplantation and become the real heroes or testicular tranplanters among the male fraternity before considering going to heaven like Micheal Jackson.

By the way one might win even Nobel Prize for real inventions!

If we can cut each to two halves and other half is filled with dud coins we might even make twice the money in one go!

Think about my ploy young blood.