Category Archives: English

French patched up with English

This is a comment I posted on blog post where the blog poster (new word for English Language) who mixed French with English.
French is a beautifully spoken language which I started learning at 50 (fifty) with my daughter.
We decided to (but never did that) tease Amma (Mother in Sinhala, my native language) in French, with beautiful sounding words.

I can read but never understand the spoken French (language) well enough.

But I have never heard anybody mixing English with French and I am going to try it myself one day. 

I do speak little Tamil and never mixed two Western languages but we mix English and Sinhala (transliterate, we call it) very nicely in spoken language.’

Now, I realize it is a talent some people have including your father and please keep improving (both languages) this talent. 

Even though French will hate you for that but we who speak  English will love it in spite of tongue tie and twist that it may cause us / you.

I promote Linux (computer operating system) and give bonus mark for Linux distributions  with multi-language capability.

Currently I promote Linux with Sinhala and English.

Please visit my blog site asokaplus to know about Linux and I posted a few French Phrases there and one day there will be some French Editions too, even broken French, patched up with English.

I really enjoy your wits!

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Flying Officer Grounded

You may think that the war efforts are accomplished that most of the flying officers are grounded and not flying any more.

Nothing of that kind but a flight record of a blackbox conversation of the final 5 to 7 minutes of ill fated flight of SL (UL-Usually Late) named P.P.P.

Thank god it is not a civilian flight but a training flight with only two involved one surviving and the other succumbing to injuries ending at Mahabrahma for another round of life cycle.

I have to put the middle of the story first (but the beginning will related briefly in the flight record) to make it brief and interesting and I may have to go for another record for how Mahabrama (his assistant-that part would be interesting) dealt with the emerging crisis.

Flying is a pastime for some (politicians on our money and government coffers) and fantasy for many Sir-Lankans. Many a Sir-Lankan young blood wants to become a flying officer but never get a chance to get there.

I remember I wanted to become a volunteer officer many moons ago but even though I had all the qualifications and the paper work my application never got to the scrutiny table when Public Service  Commission was in operation.

In my case, I was able to make amends and fly almost once a year or more on my own money never a red cent reedemed from the Government and one of my posts  abroad down under was almost a Flying Doctor on distress calls (not me in distress but with adrenaline high and mood elevated)

It is a different story now that the Chief Minister decides the fate of everybody.

In this story Chief Minister also has a fair share of involvement.

Sit tight and listen to the flight recorded data.

The conversation is between a pelican (Flying Instructor) and the flying officer in training.

You may wonder what the hell the pelican doing in the cockpit.

He was not trapped in air but he was the trainer in white suit with beautiful avian stripes to adorn.

Yes he was the trainer.
Then who was the trainee?

The trainee was a typical Sir-Lankan man who went up the ladder by being a yes man all his life without any decoration or qualification to boast about

He was somewhat similar to Bun Ki Moon who is a yes man for the big nations and red bully for small nations.

I hope you got the picture.

If he say yes to big shots he will be sure of another term in UNO.

Our man of course did not have applied mathematics but a forged certificate to say he passed the “O” Level in mathematics applied and general.

The conversation went on like this rudely terminated in mid air.

Hello Sir!
You are my trainer?

Yes is there any problem?
No Sir have I got to Sir you.
It depends!

If you end up passing with flying colours yes but not otherwise.

He was bit confused but continued to say SiR to which the pelican with good senses did not object.

He was wanting to count how many times he Sirs him during the first flight.

Sir, you have a big beak but no hands.

So Sir, how are you going to help me with the joystick?

I have good eyes and a small brain and that were enough to navigate from Europe to Sir-Lanka to escape from harsh winter believe me I can navigate you if you listen to me carefully instead of saying Sir.

He firmly ascertained his navigation skills.

Besides you have too hands, don’t you?

Now nose up, flaps up and raise off the ground.

Yes Sir.

Now they were in flight in the first few seconds and the flying officer was inquisitive  enough and wanted to find the loop holes in his flight instructor’s credibility to get some bonus in the first flight itself.

Sir how you come you become a trainer in Ceylon (In heaven they still call it Ceylon coming from Cinnamon Garden).

It is easy any foreign joker or a bird can get a job in Sri-Lanka even in supermarkets without knowing the  food habits of locals. You just put a label for export and that works.

I had a export label tagged from my childhood he said.

Sir who appointed you and turned his head around to the right and the plane  the two seater veered to the left?

Look what you  are doing get the nose straight not your butt.

OK Sir!

It is your Chief Minister who appointed me and it is a long story.

But Sir, I would like to hear more, thinking one day he might become a trainer himself by getting in good books with the Chief Minister and twisting his arms.

But your ex-chief Minister is a tortoise now.

How come Sir, I thought he went to heaven by the celebration we had after his death.

He never got a chance. The way he abused official vehicles and the way he drove with the entourage annoyed the Maha and he decided to pace him down to earth and made him a tortoise.

Sir my goodness will the Maha makes me also a tortoise in my next birth Sir!

In the first place you have to die!
Are you ready for that.

Yes Sir!

This answer pleased the pelican very much since he knew he did not have to train this guy for long.

Where did you meet this Tortoised Chief Minister, SiR?

Near a lake flooded in Batticoloa with a water crab with him.

The water crab was his escort Police Officer. on entourage who could always bend the law of the country for his master’s favour in real life in Sir-Lanka.

But he could not prevent the premature death of the entourage who met with a fatal accident.

SiR why he was made a crab

Two reasons.
It is a delicacy in Sir-Lanka.
This officer could never walk straight with the law he always side stepped and went horizontally instead of straight.

By birth right he had to be a crab in next life.

SiR will I become a crab in next life.
This was too distracting for the pelican that the plane was in full speed now in turbulent weather.

He said autopilot now!

My friend in excitement put the nose down.
He was only educated in Sinhala and could not read the English word autopilot and he pressed the button right under his nose without reading it in the first place.

Pelican was very happy now that his flying lesson would end abruptly.

Pelican opened the cockpit door and before making a nose dive himself said, your first and the last flying lesson are over.

Good bye and slammed the door closed.

To which our yes man said.
Yes Sir!

The rest is history and the blackbox is the only evidence we have now.

Incidentally this plane was taxied from Hambantota and landed nose down in the newly build port at Hambantota.

The blackbox was traced within minutes since the water level of the harbour is deep enough to see even a blackbox from above and our pelican friend hovered around it as if he was looking for a dead body of fish that helped the Navy very much.

Unfortunately the body of the victim was never found and the air force is still looking for the deserted officer in flight training and the flight trainer.

Our flying officer trainer, the pelican disappeared from his post.

I will tell you the rest of the story if you could count correctly the number of times this unfortunately grounded officer said Sirs in his first flight lesson instead of concentrating on flying and why the pelican deserted his post!

Flight P.P.P stands for Paksheta Pashsha Pora and I hear even the Pakshaya is having a nose dive now!

Please note even though these stories are quite akin to Buddhist stories and anthology, they are not designed for Dhamma sermons and any recitals without my implied consent will be strictly prohibited.

P.P.P can  even stands for Paksheta Patata Pakshapatha (Pora)

E-governance and white lies

Please note that this is an update for a post on parafox and it is very easy to find a daily topic to write daily unlike in the West but it is very difficult to find a true story and I have decided to write a few of my fantasies related to my work with Apaya and Heaven. I have not decided whether to join Apaya or Heaven but like a true diplomat I prefer to shuttle in between them not knowing whether it is a fantasy or a real lfe situation.

I am bit confused but following is a true story and factually correct about E-Governance and downloading for a fact.

Uploading is no better.

Comment I wrote for a National Daily not published due to its banal content.

It is very difficult to differentiate a lie from a the word E-governance in Sri-Lanka.

I prefer E-Governance  for a white lie because it is like WiKi Leakes very difficult to differentiate whether an American (for that matter any European diplomat) diplomat is talking through his Mouth or MOUSE or ASS.

I think they are trained not to talk from birth but to lie by all means.

Unlike our diplomats who do not know how to lie like Goerge Washinton in his prime and if they do lie it looks just like plain truth and nobody including Bun Ki Moon belives it a lie or not  a lie.

Whereas our politicians are trained to lie from birth and it is that their birth right.

If one cannot lie he or she is not good enough to be in the parliament or President House. Average Buddhists except Colombo 7 elite do not lie as a habit but only on demand by politicians at election meetings and political rallies.

Our national papers for their own survival lie on a regular basis like our George Bush they do not know how to tell the truth in plain English or Sinhala. We  are now portrayed as the heaven on Earth but if one goes to Batticoloa or North East the plain truth is evident in abundance.

This is just a big joke. i.e. E-Governance in Sri-Lanka is a plain lie but what I state below is truth and nothing but truth.

It takes almost 7 days to download 1.1 GB of Kororoaa of out of 1.5 GB and god only knows how long it takes to finish.

I was down with a miner flu and for three days I managed to download Light House Puppy of 223 MiB through Firefox and in spite of the computer being on overnight for three days. I am trying to download PocketWriter-Salix and it is stuck at 280 MiB currently and Saline was disconnected without completing three times.

Now I am talking about Saline like Predient Reagon our Health minister could not say the difference between a truth and a lie.

Our Health Statistics is the Biggest Lie of all which the WHO is very fond of exaggerating!

It is 3 am in the morning and I got up to empty my bladder.

Checked to see K-torrent is working (do the downloads only after midnight).

NO.

I stopped the normal download to read the English daily but Apache at their site is broken.

I have 250 paused downloads for the month of December (for updating current Linux distributions which I do at the end of each year).

K-torrent is inactive.

Firefox download speed is below 5KB per seconds.

I pay over Rs.7000/- to Telecoms and Rs.10,000/- electricity.

If I save three months of these bills and buy a ticket to Singapore I can download all these in the airport lounge for nothing but in triple not double quick time.

It is a shame that a National Paper not highlighting how Buddhists are downloading porn at Nanasalas.

Even we have 10,00,000 NanaSalas without English we cannot progress in IT industry.

All the alphanumeric characters are in English not Sinhala.

Progress does not come from data or rhetoric.

They come through hard work, dedication and concrete actions!

All my downloads are inactive at 3,30 am and bare bone facts speak for themselves.

Sir-Lankan English

This is what I heard through a S.M.S. (Subbe Manasgatha Settum) in the Buddhist tradition of Venerable Ananda..

 

I only relate without any distortion or without Atuwa Tika for the enlightenment of the Subbe Satta (Bavanthu Suki Thatha-Except ex-Army Generals) of Sr-Lanka.

 

It is common practice now for some to go abroad frequently at the drop of a hat like an annual pilgrimage to Mecca and unlike us who cannot afford it now remain restrained due to common curtsies and upbringing (When I first went to England one way ticket was only three thousand nine hundred odd Rupees).

 

But they carry all the trademarks of Sir-Lanka when on travel abroad and sometime demand the other passengers to change the booked ticket on wish and fancies of political stalwarts.

 

But this story is not about the ones who went to USA but one who was left behind.

 

He was left behind deliberately due to request from our one and only Mr. Bun Ki Moon (Munn Bath Kawada Bun is his nick name).

 

When retinue arrived home he was waiting enraged for an audience with the tour leader.

 

The tour leader was a veteran politician and who felt the pulse of his close associate if not the pulse of the nation knew something was amiss.

 

He approached the role master and asked Malli Kohomada Dan (How are you my comrade)?

 

He did not give a reply and instead put a big Kheels Meat ball in his mouth and pretended that his mouth was full and could not speak (By the way, this is the tactic our foreign Minister applies when he is abroad and is asked a difficult question).

 

Tour leader in turn put a finger in one of the big meat balls and crushed it with a fine twist and put the tip of the finger in his mouth and sucked a bit and said Mal Wedi Wage Sarayi ne Malli (Hot and Spicy like fire works).

 

Then went onto say this foreign fellows do not know how to prepare spicy foods and they only add salt and pepper in their food and nothing else.

 

In the same breath and tone continued in his utterance and said that he received an invitation for a party with foreign delegates from EU.

 

Malli Oyata Yanne Barida Ekata / Brother can you attend it on my behalf?

 

So he gave the re-delegated invitation protocol to this national hero with antics.

 

The day came this guy went there half an hour before the schedule and when the French chef was arranging the tables and giving the final touches.

 

The chef identified the our guy and asked him Are you a vegetarian?

 

The guy had a grin in his face and said, I am a Mustarian, you know.

 

The French chef was poor in his English and thought Mustarian is an English word but could be moucheron (a type of fly that swarm near water or mouton (sheepskin).

 

He went to the kitchen ordered his colleague to take a sheepskin ans pickle it and turned round to see a sheepskin swamped by house flies in the bin.

 

He wanted to be sure and impressive and told his friend to pickle it with Sri-Lankan house flies in the dish.

 

His colleague of course marinated it and made the first Sri-Lankan lightly made Mouton-Moucheron with French wine and served our distinguished guest.

 

This fellow did not realize that there were flies in his meal since he was very high with the French wine.

 

He had Chinese food for his lunch with Ajina Moto and the combination French Wine, house flies and sheep skin (in any case he is a wolf under the sheep skin anyway) caused a little aberration in his thinking capacity and asking us to not to eat American flour.

 

Little he remember the last time they banned bread the left was swept away.

 

I hope that there could be a second innings or a repetition of the scenario in this god forsaken country.

Evam Mesuthum!