Criteria of Eligibility

I have to giving to the popular requests form most of my friends to disclose the criteria for the equation development without sacrificing the principles underlying the company A.I.(Ltd) now renamed as Artificial Intelligence without which one cannot communicate with the Hell or Heaven.

1. Longer one lives more one accumulates corrupt practices and less points (inversely proportionate) or merits one gets to go to heaven
2. Longer one lives more waste one produce to pollute the mother earth
3. More power one has more corrupt one becomes
4. More descendants one procreates more corrupt one gets
5. Longer one lives more aberrant one’s thinking becomes leading up to dementia of power and corruption
6. More artificial means one uses to prolong life (bypass, kidney transplant, lung and heart transplant).

   In this context one who donates the kidney gets more merits and one who lives with the kidney gets more demerits (disproportionate since cumulative action).

7. This is the example I used to explain the 3 Cs Cumulative, Culmination of Carma (if one uses C gets more Karma since he is destroying a prominent language called English and if one K for karma he gets less so calculation are very subtle in nature in the final equation.
   

8. Similarly if one uses Sinhala instead of Pali terminology he gets more karma since Sinhala is the language that destroyed Pali in the first instance. English is taken as a neutral language because of its general use and corruption by many nations and now especially by Sri-Lankans

9. Most difficult part is finding correct terminology in Pali to be used in the equation since Buddha was very clever not to leave any obvious clues in all the Thripitakas (Canons) for me to get hold. Therefore I have to use English which both the Deva and Yakkus and Yamakas have agreed upon ( mind you Buddha visited to allay any misgivings in his time).

    

   This much is enough for one to understand the nature of the calculation if not mathematics. If I reveal anymore even an average MP would be able to calculate his merits and demerits when he or she decides to exit from this planet.
   

10. The laptop they carry can convert the equation instantaneously to final outcome in decimals and nanoseconds without using their brains and any more revealing is very detrimental to my living and long life.

 

No Entry

World Cup Football (fever) is over and the Maha Brahma (really his assistant) tells me that few of the earthly beings ended up in his salvo with request to change the honour’s list which he declined until such time the inquiry into the head butting is over. He was annoyed that he gave a big brain to the humans expecting them to use it wisely but not in combat as in head butt. He has set up a commission to investigate how to reduce the brain to a size (manageable in sport) needed for the current century that man including politicians can use  prudently.

Maha is also worried about the free entry of politicians including French Presidents to sport events which they do not have a clue in administering let alone enjoying.

Until such time I have to pen down a current story circulating in the heaven.

It is about a Paraya Dog of Sri-Lanka.

This Paraya Dog of course is a resident of Kandy.

He had been frequenting a large temple, a doctor’s clinic and a lawyer’s residence in his active life. In actual fact he was visiting the rubbish heaps of those concerned.

Unfortunately he is terminally ill from a disease he contracted from the doctor’s rubbish dump.

I am not sure whether it was a dog’s dream or in fact a divine story but it goes on like this.

In his deja-vu state he happened to address the Brahma and the Brahma politely asked him what he wants to be in his next life. The Sandy (the adopted name for this canine specimen because of his muddy colour) of course asked can I be a High Priest in my next round.

The Brahma asked why you want to attain high goals?

Sandy promptly said no Sir, judging by the type of food he eats, his likings are no different from mine he said. Then Brahma said that is not what was intended by the Buddha if you want to be a high priest the minimum code is Dasa Sil and higher and listed all the pre-requisites.

Then Sandy declined saying that I was so faithful in my life I cannot do that.

What about a doctor he asked. That is OK but there is a problem. The doctors have a Code of Conduct and they also tell you don’t eat this and that (cholesterol), don’t drink alcohol, don’t smoke and don’t have sex without a condom.

“But my experience is different” by the doctor I was frequenting and Maha promptly said that is typical of Sri-Lankan doctors and they do not practice what they preach just like others.

Then Sandy asked why not a lawyer?

It is OK but there is a hitch. He went on elaborating that lawyers have to frame and pass laws to combat all the vices the doctors and high priests claim and he is inundated with such claims and there are pressure groups claiming that some are violating human as well as animal (if a man want to be an animal like Zidene  Zidane be that so) rights.

Life is not easy on this sunny island he said.

Then Sandy asked can I be your assistant?

Well that is no problem but there is a bit of a problem. As soon as you come here I have to take leave and you are in charge and you have to wait till the Maha comes from his leave of absence.

I thought you are the Maha.

No I am his assistant and I was a Pedigree Dog not worldly wise like you and I promptly accepted his offer as an assistant. Moment I came here he went on vacation but you must know that the vacations here are counted in eons and not in days.

So you are stuck with your faith of the master!

In that case can you cancel my life entry and no entry at all for next round like the next world cup?

It is possible but there is a long waiting queue and you have to wait for at least the next Poya.

Is that OK?

Then Sandy asked why such a delay?

I am in a hurry.

You know I have to check each entry carefully and especially the CVs of all Sri-Lankan applications. There are lot of errors and false declarations it is some what of a dull job. To tell you the truth even my entry had a long list of Pedigree dogs and Maha Brahma had to scrutinize each generation and told me “you not that pure as it claims”.

I told him it is not my fault it is the fault of the master.

He promptly accepted my innocence.

How long is your CV?

Only 4 entries in all Sandy told the Maha’s assistant.

How come?

Paraya, Paraya, Paraya and Faithful are the only entries.

I am sure of my mother but not sure of the father.

Why the hurry?

In a short while the Kandy Perehara is due we would be rounded up and sent to hell by the Kandy Municipality.

Brahma’s assistant asked no more questions and the Sandy’s request was granted promptly and he successfully attained Nibbana.

Who says an intelligent, faithful and trustworthy dog cannot attain Nirvana.

This is not the first in record, the Brahma’s assistant tells me.

PS. Zidane name was incorporated to celebrate the French Independence and no offense to him or France was intended.

14th July 2006
Dr.S.B.Asoka Dissanayake

How to forward a dead man’s (women excluded) email

Internet is a bustling with activity and it has spawned new avenues for recreation. I have been specially appointed from both Apaya and Devlova (Heaven) coordinate activities and I have been asked to formulate a formula to prevent Apaya MySQL Web Server getting jammed.

As an initial remedy I have instructed them to have new server for Sri-Lanakns but Apaya does not want to vandalize limited resources on Sri-lanka and that is why they need a special formula.

Since I am in regular contact with Sackra’s assistant which I have from the time of registration of Hela Urumaya as a political party (that appointment was to give a resume of all Hela Urumaya voters who gets a call of nature through Devalays before their demise).

Sakcra himself handles the party stalwarts and he does not believe their own well cooked up resumes leave alone any comments that I have made about them in web publications. Unlike Apaya. They have enough memory in all the servers with my good offices I have made an arrangement to provide a server on IMF loan facility to Hell which can be paid back while in hell to Apaya accounts.

You may wonder how I got the appointment. On merit and that is due to my intense interest in Linux and the number of publication in the web by any Sri-Lankan.

They have just typed asoka and linux and lately asokaplus and got hold of my web counting. Then they have looked at the impact it made in Sri-Lanka which was almost zero and connected me wirelessly to ask why this discrepancy.

I promptly said I publish only in English to which they said why don’t you make an attempt to improve English. I said Sir I am doing it right now by writing and that is the reason for me posting in the web.

They were quite happy and impressed with my answers but said your extensions will be based on your daily writings and that is why I have to post at least one a day at wordpress.

When I was at writeclique it was once in three days and at Google once in 2 to 3 days and now once a day like a poor National News Paper Editors.

I am told by the Web Administrator of the Apaya (Hell in English) a new super powered Server to handle the demand from Sri-Lankans was installed this year (immigrants specially from Colombo 7, Hela Urumaya type who sell electricity for an exorbitant price -they have a special sub-system for Hela Urumaya).

Nobody can contact the President and the Head of Apayas since he is 24 hour on call and cannot sleep.

He was elected recently unanimously without a contest and he can go for re-election at lib.

His crime was sleeping while on call duty at President’s Office and giving false promises to the visitors and giving false statements to a judicial inquiry (perjury not punished here).

You may wonder what is the difference between becoming head of Apaya or Devlova.

Sackra has four hours of sleep and he can delegate some of activities to the assistant and the assistant can delegate it to me. It looks as if one becomes a President of this country he can easily take up a position in Apaya since there are no delegated activities now in Apaya and super-computers have taken over mankind (beingskind- a new word coined by me for Apaya use) there.

 

My duty is easy to forward dead man’s emails either to Apaya or Devlova or safe house in between for scrutiny. By doing that all email holding companies will benefit by releasing their precious space for new comers.

I am currently doing the test run on the formula I have developed on Senior Ministers’ profiles (I am duty bound not to disclose test runs to the person while they are alive) on my computer and it got stuck due to overload and may have to update the RAM and speed.

Unfortunately I am not paid any allowances even though I requested 10% on testing and another 50% on running.

If you have any suggestion please forward it to me without any delay so that I can include them on the revised version. I have decided not to make the formula public since the Central Bank of Ceylon (Now SIRI LANKA) and IMF would get bright ideas to change roles and divest their energies in Apaya Investment Limited (newly formed company by me)

Mind you there is a vacancy for-How to forward a dead woman’s email post- any man or woman can apply by passing me.

Details are at Apaya Investment Limited website if it is in operation without any untoward attack by Sri-Lankan Government.

 

Mind you I did not tell the Apaya Web Admin that there is cloud computing on the offing thinking that they might reserve space on cloud farms for future use and we might not have anything left for poor souls like me.